


One and One Other, for there are Two

by blancanieve



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Breakup, Command decision, F/M, Guilty Bones, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Medical Procedures, Mention of Taursus, Military decipline protocols, character injury, concerned spock, mentions of aviophobia, sad jim, worried Uhura
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-08-16
Packaged: 2018-07-19 03:06:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7342141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blancanieve/pseuds/blancanieve
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>McCoy's angry and vocal disagreement with Jim's command decision, voiced in front of High Commend, has unforeseen consequences for his relationship with Jim and for his future as Jim's CMO.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**This is a stand alone story which** **take place before ST Beyond**

 

 

" **One and One Other, For There Are Two**

  
**Chapter one**

 **"A tormented mind wants to forget,**  
**what a broken heart will always remember.”**

  
**Anthony Liccione**

  
Admiral Jameson looked grave as he addressed Jim from his large comm. "Please dismiss your command crew except for Mr. Spock, Captain."

"Yes, Sir." He nodded to them, and they exited the briefing room looking subdued and troubled. Bones looked back at Jim, a worried frown on his face, but Jim didn't acknowledge him.

"Captain....Jim. I have no idea what came over Dr. McCoy to challenge you like that, but that kind of behavior is unacceptable in an officer. I know you're the closest of friends, and have been for several years, but if he can't learn to separate his personal relationship with you from his professional one, a transfer to another ship will have to be considered."

Jim passed his hand over his face. "I don't know either, Admiral. Dr McCoy is a man of very strong opinions and equally strong ethics and principles and he expresses them forcefully. In this case, I'm forced to agree with you that he was insubordinate." He paused. "Maybe you're right, Admiral, maybe it would be better if he transferred to another ship and wasn't under my command." Jim felt rather then saw Spock's start of protest.

"I don't want you to make that decision now, Jim." The Admiral looked at him sympathetically. "Take a few days to think about it; after all Dr. McCoy is the finest surgeon in the Fleet. Maybe you and your XO can arrive at another solution. It would be impossible for you to replace him with another CMO with equal credentials and expertise and you don't want that kind of personnel loss on your ship."

 _In more ways than you know, Admiral_ , thought Jim, but all he said was, "Yes, Sir. Thank you. Rest assured that I or Mr. Spock will put an official reprimand in Dr. McCoy's file. His unprofessional conduct will be addressed." Jim spoke cooly and professionally, but inside he was shaking with hurt, anger and deep disappointment.

"Very well, Captain. I'll speak with you again in a few days. Jameson out."

Jim made sure the comm was completely off before he stood and pushed his chair hard against the wall. It crashed with a loud bang. "What the hell, Spock! Who does Bones think he is to challenge my authority like that; and in front of the Admiral? Does he think he can do it with impunity just because we're in a relationship? I'm still his Captain, his commanding officer, and he has to respect me as the Captain of this ship. I don't see Uhura challenging your authority like that, and you've been with her far longer than I've been with Bones." Jim tugged at his hair in frustrated anger.

"Captain...Jim.... Lt. Uhura is an eminently logical, calm person. Dr. McCoy possess neither of those qualities. It is true that he made a serious mistake in protocol and I am very sure he deeply regrets his impulsive outburst."

"It's not the first time he’s challenged my decisions, Spock, but he's never done it in front of Command; its always been in private and we've always settled things behind closed doors. When he feels strongly about something that conflicts with his medical ethics, or when he disagrees with me or anyone else for that matter, he just can't keep his feelings to himself. I'm going to talk to him right now." Jim pivoted on his heel and turned to go to the Med Bay, he was seething with suppressed anger and yet he felt icy and brittle with dread.

"Jim, do not do anything hasty, or that you might regret later. Perhaps you should wait until you are less angry." Spock had seldom seen Jim so agitated; usually he was the epitome of a self controlled and calm Captain.

"No, Spock. I'm not going to calm down about this. I'm going to the Med Bay."

"Do you wish for me to go with you and inform Dr. McCoy of his official reprimand? I am, after all, his immediate supervisor."

"No, I'll do it, but thanks, Spock."

Jim took the lift to the Med Bay and went in. Before the lift door opened, he took a deep calming breath. Inside, everything was quiet. Christine Chapel was updating files on the main Med Bay computer.

She looked up as Jim came in. "He's in his office, Captain. He came in looking very upset." Christine looked doubtfully at Jim, but she didn't ask him anything.

"Thanks, Christine."

Jim went into Bones' office without knocking. Bones was at his desk with his head in his hands. He looked up. "Jim! Thank God you're here. Jim, I'm sorry." He groaned. "My big mouth just got away from me. I know I screwed up royally and I'm so sorry, Jim."

"Sorry doesn't cut it, Lt. Commander. You were way out of line...."

"I know it," McCoy interrupted dismally. "I know it and I 'pologize." His drawl was getting more pronounced in his distress.

"Do not interrupt me when I'm speaking to you, Dr McCoy." Jim gritted out between clenched teeth, glaring at him.

McCoy stared at him. Jim was rigid with anger, his lips thin, his eyes no longer blue, but stormy grey with anger.

"Jim...," Leonard breathed out, and paled as Jim's hard gaze met his. Jim had never been angry with him before, annoyed, exasperated, yes, but angry never. Leonard was the one who got mad; Jim was always the soul of patience and forbearance with him and with all his crew. He was very good at controlling his temper, only losing it very seldom and only when he was at the end of his command rope.

"Lt. Commander McCoy, an official reprimand for conduct unbecoming to an officer will be placed in your file." Jim told him. "As your immediate supervisor, Mr. Spock will issue the reprimand and I'll sign off on it."

McCoy grew even paler. "Yes, Sir."

"A little late for professional curtesy now, isn't it, Lt. Commander?" Jim asked him, bitterly. "To continue. The Admiral informed me that if you are unable to conduct yourself appropriately and maintain the necessary distance between our professional and personal relationship, I will need to consider your transfer to another ship. As Captain, I cannot allow you to take liberties because we are friends. It's not the first time you've challenged my decisions, although to be fair, it is the first time you've done so in front of my commanding officer or members of my crew. This time you were insubordinate in front of high command and the other officers present, so I am forced to agree with the Admiral and consider his suggestion about a possible transfer. He asked me to take a few days to think about it and I've agreed to that."

McCoy stood, eyes wide and a little frantic. If anything he was even more pale then before, except for the two hectic red spots on his cheeks. "Jim! You're thinkin' of transferring me away from the ship?" _Away from you_? remained unsaid.

Jim flinched minutely, but ignored the question. "I think under the circumstances it would be best if you move some of your things out of the Captain's quarters and stay in the CMO's quarters until I make my decision. I'd like for you to do that as soon as possible, Lt. Commander."

McCoy suddenly sat down, as if his legs couldn't hold him; he stared mutely at Jim.

"Do you understand me, Dr. McCoy?"

There was silence. Then McCoy visibly pulled himself together. "Yes, Captain. I understand you. I'll go do it right away," he rasped. He cleared his throat, stood up, and waited.

"You are dismissed, Lt. Commander."

"Aye, Captain."

Jim waited until Bones left the office then he collapsed in the chair. He sat there for a few minutes, his fingers gripped tightly together. He stood, pulled his gold tunic down, and headed back to the bridge. The bridge was his favorite place in the entire universe. He loved being on the bridge with his whole heart and soul, yet today it didn't even register that he was there.

The rest of his shift passed by as if he were in a deep well of nothingness. He supposed that he acted normally, did his work, signed the padds that Janice brought him, discussed coordinates with Chekov, their upcoming mission with Spock, answered emails from other Captains and updated his mission log. Not once did he allow his thoughts to stray to Bones. When Alpha shift was over, he dismissed his Alpha crew, ignored the worried glance Uhura gave him, turned the chair over to Lt. De Salle, and logged himself out.

He walked into his quarters and immediately felt that sense of wrongness and aloneness he hadn't felt in many months, not since he and Bones had come to their senses and admitted how they felt about each other and Bones had moved himself and all his stuff permanently into the Captain's quarters. Jim went to the closet and saw that all of Bones' clothes were gone, and that his bureau drawers had been emptied. His books and vids padds were all gone too. The bed had been remade with fresh sheets and now there was only one pillow on it. He went into the bathroom and found it stripped of Bones soap, shampoo, hair products, and toothbrush. Jim swallowed hard when he saw that Bones had left Jim the toothpaste; it was Jim's favorite. There was a note on real paper on the counter. _I'm sorry, Jim, for everything. I just sent the Admiral a letter of apology for my unprofessional conduct. I've taken all my stuff with me to the CMO's quarters. Love, Bones._

Jim clutched the note tightly in his hand and walked back to his living quarters on shaky legs. _This is what you wanted, isn't  it, Jim?_ said the Bones' voice in his head.

"Shut up, Bones,” Jim said, his voice a broken whisper. “Just shut up. It's not what I want. I hate this, but it has to be done."

Jim sat down and buried his face in his hands. Is this what it was like then? To love somebody so much that when they're gone it feels as if your heart was being ripped out of your chest and hacked to pieces? Is this what his mother felt when his father died? If so, he could understand her so much better now.

Jim sighed feeling suddenly exhausted. This is the way it had to be. When Bones challenged him in front of High Command, it showed that his CMO didn't have faith in Jim's judgement, that his decisions as Captain couldn't be trusted. Even long after  _Narada_ , some of the Admirals had still been very vocal in voicing their opinions that he was too young and brash to be a Captain, that he'd been promoted solely because he was a hero of the Federation. All they needed to demote him were serious doubts about his command decisions expressed loudly and vocally by one of his most trusted officers. Thank God, Admiral Jameson was a fair and just man, but some of the other Admirals were not. Bones, always oblivious and uncaring about politics, had no idea the hornets’ nest he could have started.

Jim wandered restlessly around his quarters for a while. He might as well go to the mess and have dinner, he thought. He would stick to his regular routine as much as possible...and he had to get out of his too quiet and lonely quarters.

The mess was already crowded. Jim got his food and saw Spock and Uhura already seated at a table. He made a bee line for them. "May I join you?" he asked.

"Of course, Captain. Please sit down."

Jim looked down at his chicken and poked at it. It was rubbery. He poked at his baked potatoe, it was over cooked. "I don't think I'm very hungry," he said.

"Captain, may I get you something else? It is inadvisable for you to skip a meal, Dr. McCoy would not...." Spock stopped speaking abruptly.

Jim sighed tiredly. "It's all right, Spock, you don't have to stop talking about Bones. He's a big part of our _Enterprise_ life, and an even bigger part of my life."

As if conjured up from his thoughts he looked up and saw Bones sit down at a table with Scotty. The raw, abject misery on his face struck Jim like a blow to his chest. He got up so fast, his chair tipped over. "I gotta go," he said, suddenly feeling shaky.

"Jim, you haven't eaten anything." Uhura protested, looking up at him. "Please sit down. I know you didn't eat lunch either, you were on the bridge through lunch."

"I'll get something from the replicator in our...I mean in my quarters. Don't worry about me, Uhura, I'm fine."

"He's not fine," muttered Uhura to Spock, as she watched Jim leave at an almost run and then watched Leonard watch Jim leave. "Neither of them are fine, Spock. I wish they wouldn't fight, they're both miserable."

"I know, Nyota, but this is much more than just a disagreement. You heard Dr. McCoy at the meeting. He _was_ insubordinate. He disagreed most vehemently and in very colorful language with the Captain's command decision. In his desire to be of assistance to an ailing planet, Dr. McCoy did not think about the consequences of our violating The Prime Directive. To make matters worse he expressed all his doubts in front of the Admiral. Dr. McCoy made a mistake, but who of us has not? He will learn from his mistake and he will not repeat it and he will atone for it...if Jim will only let him. As you saw before you left the briefing room, the Admiral was not pleased. It casts grave doubt on a Captain's ability to command when one of his senior officers vocally and overtly opposes a command decision. The Admiral suggested that it may be necessary to transfer the doctor since it appears that Dr. McCoy cannot separate his personal from his professional relationship with Jim. The Captain told the Admiral he would consider it and make a decision in a few days."

"Spock! No! Those two can't be apart from each other. You know that. Please do something." She was aghast to see that Spock looked uncertain.

"I do not know what to do, Nyota. I thought it best to wait until Jim is not so angry before I speak to him further."

Uhura sighed."You're right, it was very bad. All if us heard Leonard, but he really didn't mean it, Spock. He's got such a big heart that he can't stand to see anyone suffer from lack of medical help." She looked over to Scotty and Leonard's table. Leonard had his head down and was picking at his food. Scotty caught her eye and looked a question at her. _What can I do?_ Nyota shook her head helplessly. _I don't know._

Back in his quarters Jim ate an apple, some Graham crackers and drank a glass of milk just so Bones' voice in his head scolding him about missing two meals in a row would shut up.

Jim paced. He wondered what it said about his state of mind that he kept hearing Bones' voice in his head. He snorted to himself. Jim was nothing if not ruthlessly honest with himself. What it meant was that he was head over heels in love with Bones, that he loved the grumpy bastard beyond reason. It meant that both of them should have sat down and set parameters for themselves about professional behavior once they'd slept together. And, Jim thought bitterly, just who the hell was he kidding? It also meant that he didn't know if he had the strength of will to transfer Bones off the ship should he have to...just the thought of it made him feel queasy, like he was going to throw up. Without Bones at his side what would he do? For all intents and purposes, if there was no Bones, there was no Jim. Without Bones there would have been no Captain Kirk. Bones kept him grounded, kept him sane.

Jim paced some more, thinking hard. He had to make sure this sort of thing didn't happen again. Somehow, Bones had to learn how to separate the personal from the professional. That this was painful beyond words was beside the point. Jim would have to tough it out for a couple of more days, and so would Bones. It hurt Jim to see Bones so miserable, the one glimpse of his face in the mess had been like a knife to his heart. But this was something that Jim, as Captain, had to do. In this instance he had to treat Bones just like any other member of his crew. The lesson, no matter how painful, had to be learned, and not just by Bones, but by Jim too. Thus, the official reprimand in Bones' file and informing him about the possibility of a transfer.

Jim sat down on the sofa, his body tucked into a corner, because in his head the middle was always Bones' part of the sofa, just like on the bed the side by the wall was always Bones' side. Suddenly, he felt the hot sting of tears and he blinked his eyes fiercely.

Jim clutched the sofa cushion to his chest. He got up and went to his desk. Bones’ and Jim's desks were back to back in the small front area of their quarters. Bones' desk was completely clean, no padds, no pictures of Joanna, no antique ink well and pen that Jim had given Bones for his birthday. There was no sign that Bones had ever worked here almost every night. Jim opened the middle drawer, inside was the picture of the two of them together, smiling widely, their arms around their shoulders in their cadet reds. It had always been Bones' favorite picture of the two of them. He had left it behind, certain, Jim knew, that Jim no longer wanted or needed him.

Jim clutched it to his heart. "Oh, Bones." He whispered brokenly. He felt absolutely shattered, his heart torn.

* * *

 

Back in the CMO's quarters Leonard looked around the room. He put his boxes on the floor and sat down heavily on the bed. He wondered if it was even worthwhile unpacking his things. If he was going to be transferred what was the point? He'd be gone in a few days. He groaned and put his head in his hands...Jim was right to be furious with him. There was no excuse for how he'd behaved in front of his Captain, the command team, and the Admiral. Jim deserved so much better than a big mouthed, sarcastic idiot and he was right to want Bones off his ship. If that's what Jim wanted, McCoy would go. He could never deny Jim anything anyway, loved him too damned much. He'd leave even if it meant it would break his own heart in the process. He sighed. Why oh why couldn't he keep his big mouth shut?

He thought of Jim's eyes, the way they were the color of the sky and how they always got even bluer whenever he looked at Leonard and how the blue had been dimmed with hurt and disappointment. Jim...Jim was the most amazing person in the galaxy, he deserved only the best. He felt a burning behind his eyes and he impatiently brushed away the traitorous moisture. He would take his punishment for insubordination like a man. It was a punishment that he richly deserved. Meanwhile, he would do his job as CMO to the best of his ability and take the necessary steps to fix his big mouth. Jim deserved only the best from him. If he was transferred off the ship, he'd resign from Fleet and go back to Georgia. He was only out here in the black because of Jim anyway. Jim and his ship were the best in the Fleet and he'd have no trouble finding another CMO to replace Leonard. There were many doctors across the quadrant who were chomping at the bit wanting to serve on the _Enterprise_.

Leonard stood. He had to put sheets on the bed and get a uniform out for tomorrow. Tonight he'd be sleeping without the welcomed warm weight of Jim surrounding him. A soft hiccuping sob that he couldn't quite control escaped him. _Stop it_ , he told himself, eyes shut tight.  _There's no point in fighting the inevitable, You brought this on yourself, now you have to deal with it._

He took a deep breath and got to work.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

  
**One and One Other, For There Are Two**

  
**Chapter 2**

 **"Absence is a house so vast**  
**that inside you will pass through its walls**  
**and hang pictures on the air.”**

**Pablo Neruda**

 

Jim slept fitfully, waking often, and reaching sleepily for Bones' warm body only to find he was not there. He did this three times before he gave up and just lay there, face up, staring miserably at the ceiling in the darkened room. "Lights 15 percent," he finally told the computer. The lights gradually lightened the dark room and cast creepy shadow lights everywhere in the room. Bones would laugh at him whenever he called them creepy shadow lights. Jim had never told Bones about the cave on Tarsus where he'd hidden himself and the children. There had been only one small candle to light the back of the cave because being totally in the pitch black had frightened the little ones. Jim had made very sure the light could not be seen from anywhere outside. All the children had helped him roll a large boulder in front of the mouth of the cave and no adult could fit between the boulder and the cave wall to get in, but it made the cave even darker so Jim allowed the small candle. It had cast flickering shadows on the cave walls and one of the little ones had called them creepy shadow lights. Jim had forced a laugh and told the children that's what they'd always be called. From now on, no matter where they went, he'd make sure to have creepy shadow lights for them.

Jim shivered under the covers. Bones knew a lot about Tarsus, but he didn't know all of it; no one did. Bones had been devastated when he'd found out Jim had been on Tarsus. Bones had held him tightly and they had cried in each other's arms, bitter tears of grief, of anger, of regret. If anything, the knowledge of what Jim had been through as a child had made Bones even more protective of him. But right now there was no protective Bones to put his strong warm arms around him and Jim felt a lot like he'd felt back on that hell hole of a planet; sick to his stomach, scared, abandoned, and terribly lonely. It had been a long, long time since he'd felt that way. He thought he'd never feel that way again, that he'd left all that pain behind when he and Bones had become friends at the Academy. That friendship had filled many empty holes in Jim's soul, and later, finding love with Bones had filled in the rest.

He looked at his chronometer again; he might as well get up. There would be no more sleep for him he thought, looking with loathing at the bed without a Bones' lump huddled under the covers. He supposed he should do something constructive instead of brooding. He could catch up on his never ending paperwork and prepare the briefing for their Orra Prime meet and greet. Janice would be shocked if he finished his weekly reports before they were due. He got up and made himself a strong cup of coffee and grabbed some creamer from the small refrigeration unit he'd had installed at Bones' insistence. "Sometimes cold stuff feels a lot better than warm stuff on a picky stomach," the doctor had told him, always hyper vigilant for any trigger of Jim's food issues because of his months of starvation on Tarsus. And he was right, Jim was able to tolerate cold juice, a popsicle, ice cream, or chilled yogurt when his stomach would roil and hurt when he was very stressed and couldn't eat any other food.

Jim worked steadily until he finished all his paperwork, got in the sonic, dressed and headed for the bridge. He bypassed the mess, knowing he'd just throw up his breakfast.

"Keptin on the bridge," Chekov's cheery voice rang out.

"Morning, everyone. Report, Mr. Spock."

"We are on schedule for our visit to Orra Prime, Captain. We should arrive day after tomorrow at 1800 hours. Diplomatic meetings have yet to be scheduled however."

"Thank you, Mr. Spock. Please see to that as soon as we reach orbit." Jim hated those meet and greet social occasions, but it was part of the job. "Spock, why don't we invite the high ups of Orra Prime to come to the ship instead of our going there. I’ve been thinking that we can control things better and it'll be a thrill for them. Up here we can cut the reception short and make it an early evening, when we go planet side, these events tend to go on and on!"

"An excellent idea, Captain. I will see to it and notify the Head Chef."

As if on cue, the lift door opened, and a young Ensign with a small covered serving tray appeared. "Good morning, Captain. The chef has sent you breakfast."

Jim's eyes widened in surprise. "Chef Muriel sent breakfast for me to the bridge? But why, Ensign?"

"I don't know, Sir. She said it was orders from medical."

Jim swallowed hard. "I see," he said softly. He took the tray and opened it. In it was a chilled container of peach yogurt. "Thank you, Ensign, and thank Chef Muriel, please," he said, handing him back the tray and keeping the yogurt and spoon.

"Aye, Sir. Enjoy it, Captain."

Spock came up to him to inspect the yogurt. "Dr. McCoy?"

Jim nodded mutely. He wouldn't have been able to speak around the lump in his throat to save his life.

"A sound idea, Captain. Yogurt is an excellent addition to a diet, very nutritious, refreshing, and soothing to the stomach. I suggest you waste no time in eating it, Sir."

"Et tu, Mr. Spock?" Jim asked him softly.

Spock's eyebrow rose. "Sir?"

"Never mind, Spock. I'll eat it."

"Excellent, Keptin." Chekov swiveled around in his seat. "Yogurt was invented in Russia, did you know? Except there it is made with goat's milk. Much more nutritious." Chekov's big blue eyes under his tousled curls looked at his idol earnestly.

Jim smiled for the first time in what felt like days. "Of course it is, Pasha, but we'll just have to make do with what we have here on board, right?"

Chekov smiled and nodded, his curls bobbing. "Of course, Keptin."

"Jim," Spock said softly. "The doctor never ceases in his care of you. Even when you are estranged."

"Don't, Spock," Jim whispered brokenly. "It's hard enough as it is. What Bones did at the meeting was wrong in so many ways. He has no idea the can of worms he might have opened."

Spock huffed a small breath; in anyone else it would have been a deep exasperated sigh. "I know, Captain, and I am sure he deeply regrets it." He nodded to Jim and went back to his station.

"Captain," Uhura said, worried eyes turned to him. "You have an incoming recorded message from Admiral Jameson. For your eyes only," she added, a frown marring her smooth forehead.

"I'll take it in my ready room, Lieutenant."

Jim's heart was in his throat. It couldn't be that the Admiral wanted his answer already? It was way too soon. He'd told Jim to take a few days to think about Bones' transfer. With shaky hands, he turned his large comm on to listen. The Admiral's logo came on the screen and his voice spoke.

_"_ _Captain, I don't usually share my correspondence with anyone, but in this case I felt that reading Dr. McCoy's apology might help you with your decision. The man sure knows how to say I'm sorry; it must be the Southerner in him. His letter is attached to this message. Jim, rest assured this situation is purely an Enterprise matter and all information about it ends with me. Also, I want to make it clear that this a ship's personnel matter and a decision that's yours alone to make. Talk to you in a few days, Jim."_

_Howard Jameson, Rear Admiral, Star Flee_ t

Jim huffed a sigh of relief and opened the attachment:

_Dear Admiral Jameson,_

_I would like to express my most sincere apology to you for my behavior yesterday morning during Captain Kirk's and your briefing. My conduct was inappropriate, disrespectful and lacked the professionalism that you and my fellow crew members deserve from a fellow Starfleet officer and from a member of Captain Kirk's crew._

_While I cannot alter what I did, I have taken steps to ensure that similar incidents will never happen again._

_Captain Kirk has informed me that an official reprimand has been placed in my file; a reprimand which I richly deserve._

_I know that there is no excuse for my behavior. A professional person, and most especially an officer of the Fleet, must at all times keep his personal and professional life separate. I can assure you, Admiral Jameson, that I will never repeat this type of unprofessional conduct in the future._

_I value all my professional relationships in Starfleet, but most especially those here on the Enterprise. I firmly believe that it is our great teamwork under the exemplary command of Captain James T. Kirk, that has contributed to the successes that have so greatly benefited Starfleet and the Federation._

_Again, sir, I offer you my most heartfelt apology._

_Sincerely,  
Lieutenant Commander, Leonard H. McCoy, M.D., Ph.D., FAN ( **1.)**_

 

Jim leaned back, limp and spent. The Admiral was not pressuring him to make a decision, in fact it sounded as if he was in Bones' corner. Maybe things were not quite as bad as Jim had first thought. He didn't think he had overreacted. Bones had clearly been insubordinate, but maybe they could still salvage this debacle. He and Bones would talk about it and come up with a solution together. Jim printed a copy of the letter and read it again, thinking through what Bones had written. What steps had Bones taken? What was he talking about? No paperwork of any kind from or about the doctor had come through to Jim.

"Spock! " Jim shouted through the comm. "Could you come in here?"

Spock came hurriedly through the door. "Captain! Sir, is everything all right?"

"Read this Spock." He thrust the hard copy of Leonard's letter at Spock. "Do you know anything about this?"

Spock read through it quickly. "No, Captain. I do not know what steps Dr. McCoy might have taken." He looked thoughtfully at Jim. "I wonder if he has decided to speak to Lt. Adama?"

"Our ship's Counselor?" Jim asked in surprise. "You think he'd do that, Spock? Bones is so private about his problems. To my knowledge he's never asked for professional help from anyone, not even after his divorce. That's one of the reasons he drank so much right after his split from Jocelyn. He kept all his pain hidden away. He was a mess when we first met."

"I know, Captain. He told me once that you saved him. His exact words were 'I owe Jim everything. He saved me.'"

"We saved each other," Jim said softly, thinking of his bruised and battered self back when he'd first met Bones. Two lost souls had found each other and somehow the sum of them together had become greater than their two separate parts. Jim could hardly remember how he had existed without Bones by his side

"As CMO, he knows drinking to excess is not an option, so logically, his only other available recourse is our ship's Counselor. If that is so, Lt. Adama has not yet sent me the required paperwork. I am certain if Dr. McCoy has made an appointment with him it will not be long before I receive the notice. However, if this is something he's arranged off ship, it may have bypassed us, Captain."

"Just keep me posted, Spock. I'm worried about him."

"As is he about you, as is evident by him sending your yogurt this morning, and of course, I will keep you informed, Sir."

Jim sighed. "Thanks, Spock. Let's get started on the Orra Prime briefing. We’ll convene in 15 minutes in my ready room. Please ask Dr. M'Benga to take Dr. McCoy's place and ask Chef Muriel to attend the briefing."

"Yes, Sir."

The briefing went smoothly and without much discussion; his senior crew was very experienced at planning these types of receptions. Still, Jim sighed with relief when it was over. He wanted to go back to brooding in his Captain's chair.

At lunch time, Uhura refused to take no for an answer and dragged Jim to the mess for lunch. They sat at Spock's and her usual table. Jim got chicken noodle soup and crackers, knowing his stomach wouldn't tolerate more than that. He had just started on his soup, when Bones walked past them with his lunch tray.

"Nyota, Captain," he muttered in greeting, avoiding eye contact as he walked past their table.

Bones’ voice sounded so soft and broken that Jim felt his stomach twist. He dropped his spoon with a clatter and looked fixedly down at his soup bowl. "God! Nyota, I can't stand this," he muttered. "It's killing me."

"I know Jim," she said softly. "It's killing him too."

He looked up into her compassionate brown eyes. "I love him, you know. More than my life."

"Jim, I know. He feels the same about you."

He waved his hand around, encompassing everything around him. "I don't think I can do this without him." He glanced over to McCoy's table and was relieved to see that Christine was sitting with him. She was talking earnestly to him and McCoy was shaking his head and toying with his food.

Jim attempted to finish his soup and crackers, if only to pacify Uhura who, apparently in Bones' absence, had become the food police and was keeping track of his skipped meals. With another glance at Bones' table, Jim got to his feet. He met Chapel's worried glance and saw the slight shake of her head. He swallowed hard and walked up to their table. "Dr. McCoy, Nurse Chapel."

Bones looked up and his face lit up. "Jim...," he breathed.

"Captain," Christine said, looking at him cautiously.

He met Bones' eyes. "I just wanted to let you know that Admiral Jameson messaged me that he received your letter and that he appreciated your candor and your apology."

"Oh." His tired face fell. "Thanks for lettin' me know, Captain. 'Preciate it."

"You're welcome." Jim shuffled his feet. "Well gotta get back to the bridge. Uhura's waiting for me."

"Bye, Jimmy," Leonard said softly.

"Bye." Jim hurried away, Uhura in his wake, his heart in his throat. Once outside the mess and in the lift, he leaned his head against the lift bulkhead and took deep shaky breaths. He felt completely shattered.

Uhura put a consoling hand on his shoulder. "Jim...this can't go on. You're a wreck, Leonard's a wreck. You two need to fix this. You're missing each other terribly, and it's only been two days!"

Jim lifted his head. "I know...I know...and you're right, Nyota, Spock is right too. Bones and I need to sit down and talk this through. I think Admiral Jameson will be okay if Bones stays with us as long as we do something proactive about the incident, besides the official reprimand, I mean. The Admiral intimated as much when I read his message this morning. He wants to leave it to me and to Spock, since he is Bones' immediate supervisor, and it is an _Enterprise_ personnel matter after all."

Uhura nodded. "Good, because if you and Leonard aren't happy, Jim, then none of us are happy," she told him, softly, somberly.

"I'll talk to Bones after shift. I just want to get all this straightened out, but most of all I want him back in our quarters!" _Yes,_ Jim though _t, that's exactly what I want_. Somehow the biggest lottery price in the universe had been handed to Jim when Bones came into his life. Bones gave himself to Jim unconditionally from that first day on the shuttle and to hell with everything and everyone else, Jim was never going to give him back!

The lift doors opened to the bridge and Spock vacated Jim's chair. "Thanks, Spock. Anything to report?"

"Negative, Captain." He looked a question at him and Jim almost smiled. It seemed that whatever Uhura knew, Spock knew too.

"After shift, Spock."

Spock nodded, satisfied.

The afternoon waned slowly. Jim felt much more at ease and relaxed now that he'd made a decision. Suddenly a loud alarm sounded all around them. " _Yellow alert! Yellow alert!_ Jim looked at his board and then at Spock.

"That's from Engineering!"

" _Trauma team report to Engineering stat. Dr. M Benga, report to Engineering stat_ ," came over the all-call.

"That's Christine's voice!" Jim said, his heart twisting in premonition. He turned to Spock. "Why isn’t Geoffrey or Bones calling out the alert?"

"Dr. M.Benga is not on duty, Captain. This ten day rotation he is on Beta shift. Dr. McCoy is the doctor on Alpha shift."

Jim toggled his chair button.

"Med Bay." said a voice he didn't recognize.

"This is the Captain, get me Dr. McCoy, Dr. M'Benga or Nurse Chapel."

Jim could hear the nurse gulp. "They're not here, Sir. No one's here. Nurse Chapel ran to Engineering...there's been a bad accident."

Jim's heart sped up. "An accident? Who's had an accident. What kind of accident?"

"I don't know, Sir, but Nurse Chapel took the heart stimulator and a bunch of hypos."

Jim closed the switch and called Engineering. "Scotty, what's going on?"

Another voice he didn't recognize answered. "Mr. Scott is not available, Sir. There's been an accident, Captain. Commander Scott is inside a Jeffries tube with the injured, Sir."

"Who's injured?"

"I don't know, Captain, but Dr McCoy went into the tube and Mr. Scott went in after him."

Jim leaped out of his chair and paused only long enough to call out over his shoulder, "Sulu, you have the con!" as Spock followed him into the lift.

"Aye, Sir!" Sulu yelled after him, as he left the helm to slip smoothly into Jim's chair.

They rushed into the Engineering bay to find a scene of near chaos. An Ensign was on the floor on his knees, bent over and moaning, his head almost touching the floor. M'Benga was scanning him, running his tricorder all over his body. He sat back on his heels and looked up at Jim. "He's all right, Captain."

Then M'Benga looked over to the Jeffries tube as they heard frantic calls coming from the end of the tube. Scotty was on his knees, grunting and pulling an unconscious blue shirted figure by the shoulders out of the tube; an Ensign standing at the end of the tube moved swiftly to help him. It was Bones, his face was deathly white, his lips blue. He wasn't breathing!

"Get out of my way, Scotty!" M'Benga growled, shoving the two men aside to get to McCoy.

"Bones!" An anguished cry came from Jim's throat and he surged forward. "Bones...."

"Christine, hurry! I need you!" Geoffrey's frantic yell echoed across the large room. "His heart has stopped!"

Jim felt his world spinning out of control as he looked down at Bones' still, white face and his blue tinged lips.

 

 

* * *

 

**(1) Fellow of the Academy of Neurosurgery**

**.**


	3. Chapter 3

**One and One Other, For There Are Two**

**Chapter 3**

" **Fear lives in the head**  
**And courage lives in the heart**  
**And between the two**  
**Is the lump in the throat."**

 **Louise Penny**  
**"The Long Way Home"**

 

"I'm here, Doctor!" Christine pushed Jim aside and knelt by Leonard's still body as Geoffrey went to work with hypos and the cardio-stimulator. Face tense, lips thinned, M'Benga worked frantically over Leonard's chest. It took two tries of the cardio-stimulator and a hypo of Benaepinephrin to restart Bones' heart. M'Benga sat back on his heels as Leonard coughed and drew in a tortured, wheezing breath, color slowly coming back into his face. He turned his head toward the doctor, blinked rapidly, and slurred, "Geoff...what...happened?"

Jim's knees nearly buckled, weak with relief.

"Easy there, Leonard. Your heart stopped. We lost you there for a minute." M' Benga soothed, putting a firm hand on his shoulder.

M'Benga beckoned to the trauma team. "Straight to room 3 on the double. Hook him up to all the monitors, Christine."

Geoffrey stood and looked at his Captain. "I think he'll be all right, Sir," he said, eyes scanning Jim's chalky white face. "I want you to come by Medical also, Sir. I need to check you too, you've had a bad shock, you're white as a sheet."

"I'll see to it, Doctor," Spock told him. "He will be there shortly."

A shaken Jim turned to his CE. "Scotty, what the hell happened?" he demanded, hoarsely.

Scotty gave a snort of disgust. "It was this idiot Randolph, Captain, he nearly killed the good doctor."

The young Ensign, still on his knees, moaned. "He went in the tube for me, Sir, because I twisted my knee and I couldn't crawl out because my knee hurt so bad. He strapped my knee up and gave me a hypo for pain and then I crawled back out of the Jeffries tube first. I'm so sorry, I guess it was the strong pain med, I didn't think...."

"Because you're a bloody idiot, you daft man! He didn't think, Captain, and he automatically started up the circuit with McCoy still inside the tube. Nearly killed the poor man." Scotty looked around at the Engineering crowd that had gathered. "All of yae get back to work," he roared, "and for God's sake be careful!"

Jim pulled himself together to act like the Captain he was. "Consider yourself on report, Mr. Randolph." Jim told the distraught Ensign, his face hard. "Two days suspension from duty without pay and confined to quarters. And that's a lenient punishment."

"Yes, Sir," said the still prone and miserable Randolph.

"Come, Captain," Spock said, looking at Jim's drawn face. "Dr. M'Benga is waiting for you."

"Go on now, Captain," Scotty urged him. "I'll take care of Randolph, you go see McCoy. He dinna' look so good. He'll need you."

Still shaky, Jim nodded and made himself walk back to the lift.

"Medical Bay," Spock told the lift. "He will be all right, Jim. Dr. M'Benga said that he will be all right."

Spock guided Jim gently to the Medical Bay by the simple expediency of crowding him slightly in the direction he wanted him to go. Christine Chapel was waiting for them at the door.

"How is he, Christine?" Jim asked her, anxiously.

"Dr. M'Benga is with him now, Captain. He's unconscious again; we're watching his heart and brain functions. His hands have second degree burns and we've started the regenerators. He's also got a couple of broken ribs and a fractured right wrist from hitting the Jeffries tube bulkhead when he was jolted."

Jim winced at the thought of Bones hitting the bulkhead hard enough to break bones. He listened dispassionately to everything Chapel was telling him, his gaze never leaving the closed door behind her. Everything outside that door had ceased to exist. All that mattered to him, everything he cared about, lay unconscious behind that door.

Dr. M'Benga came out, looking grim as he looked into Jim's worried eyes. "He's still unconscious, Captain and I really need for him to wake up. I can't asses nerve or brain damage unless he's awake. His heart is fine. Apart from that, he has several broken ribs, a fractured right wrist, a hairline fracture of the clavicle, and some cuts and bruises on his face." As he spoke, he ran his tricorder over Jim, looked at the readouts and nodded, satisfied.

"What does it mean that Dr. McCoy is unconscious again, Dr. M'Benga?" Spock asked, glancing at the silent Jim.

"It's a good sign that he recognized me when he regained consciousness, but I don't like this prolonged unconsciousness. Christine and I tried to wake him, but we've been unsuccessful."

"Let me try, Geoffrey," Jim said. "He'll wake up for me." Hadn't he had to wake Bones up many times in the morning? Bones was not a good waker upper when there was no Jim or Med Bay emergency to deal with. And here, finally, was a way to help Bones.

The doctor nodded. "I was just going to ask you if you would try, Captain."

"Spock, you have the con. I'm going to be here for a while. Also tell Scotty to write up the accident report and send it to you, and cc it to me. Make sure Randolf's knee is looked at."

"Yes, Sir. Please keep me apprised of Dr. McCoy's condition."

Jim nodded absently, his mind and heart already with Bones, as he followed the doctor into the dim room. He stopped abruptly as he saw Leonard lying on the bio bed with the osteo-regenerators whirring quietly on his wrist and ribs. The abrasions on his cheek and forehead had already healed and the new pink skin looked shiny in the muted light. "We'll have to wait on the clavicle," Geoffrey told him. "It's an awkward angle and it's a hairline so I'm not too concerned about it."

"What do I do?" Jim asked, swallowing hard, his eyes riveted on Bones' still face.

"Do what you normally do to wake him up in the morning, Captain." M'Benga smiled grimly. "I know how hard he can sleep when he's on a break. I'll leave you alone now." He switched on the privacy screen and the door closed silently behind him.

Jim walked up to the bio bed and did what he usually did in the morning. He leaned over and planted a soft kiss on Leonard’s lips and patted McCoy’s cheek gently. “Wake up, Bones," he begged him softly. "Wake up for me, baby. Its way past time for you to wake up," Jim whispered into his mouth, kissing him again."Come back to me."

"Bones, I...." He swallowed, his eyes suddenly blurry. "I'm so sorry, Bonesy. Wake up for me so I can tell you.” He carded his fingers through McCoy’s sweaty hair.

Looking down at the still face, Jim felt sorrow burning in his chest as he remembered that the last words he'd said to Bones had been cold and angry. "God, I love you so much," he whispered, around the lump in his throat. To have Bones like this was tearing him apart. "Bones, I need you. There's no way in hell you're ever leaving this ship without me. Please, please, wake up." Jim leaned forward touching their foreheads together as he breathed in the scent, feel and presence of this man he loved above all others,

Later, much much later, when they could look back on this time without pain, Bones would joke to Jim that it was that whispered 'please' that did it. Leonard slowly opened his eyes. His looked up and grimaced. His head hurt and his world looked blurry, but there was no mistaking the blue, blue eyes looking down at him.

"Jim....Jim...darlin'." He sighed. "It's a dream...I'm dreamin'." His head moved restlessly back and forth and one lone tear of weakness, distress and pain escaped from the hazel eyes. "Don't wanna' wake up...," he breathed, making anxious little noises.

"No, no! I'm here, Bones. See? Right here with you. I'm not going anywhere without you, and you're not going anywhere without me. Look at me, baby, you're not dreaming. You were hurt, but you're gonna be just fine." Jim sniffed and leaned down again and pressed frantic, careful kisses on Bones' lips, his cheeks, his nose, his forehead, while hot thankful tears rolled down his face.

"Wha...wha...happened? Why...you...cryin'? Damn it...Jim...don't...cry." He tried to lift his injured hand to Jim's wet face, but failed. "I feel funny."

Jim snorted through his tears and gently clasped his fingers over Bones' hurt hand. "I bet you feel funny. You went into a Jeffries tube after Randolph and the stupid kid electrocuted you. I should toss him in the brig for being so careless."

"An accident...he didn't...mean to...hurt me...nice kid. Reminds me of Chekov...baby face." He turned his head and winced. "Am...I still...on the ship?" The hazel eyes looking up at Jim were wide and anxious.

"Yes, you're still on the ship, you're in the Med Bay with me. You're always, always going to be with me. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Bones.” Jim breathed against his lips, his hands on Leonard’s face, lightly caressing him.

"S'lright, Jimmy. Was my fault...my big mouth. You were right...to be mad." Bones said, haltingly. "I'm...goin' someplace to fix me, Jim. You'll...see. No more...big mouth."

"No, no, Bones. Don't worry anymore about it. We're going to fix this together...you and me, okay? Together." He took hold of Bones' good hand and brought it up to his mouth and pressed a tender kiss in his palm. "Always together."

Since that first day when they'd met on the shuttle and formed a deep and instant connection, deep down Jim had always known that he and Bones were going to be stuck together for life. He'd just forgotten it for a minute and now he had to remind Bones.

"Okay...sounds...real good...missed you so much." He frowned up at Jim. "M' head hurts...."

"Shhh, I know. You got quite a jolt. You scared me to death, Bones." Jim shuddered, reliving those moments.

"Sorry...I scared...you." Jim saw a tiny glint in the hazel eyes, and the slight curve in Bones' lips. "No fun, s'it."

Jim looked at the beautiful, capable, long fingered hand that he was holding. Jim loved that hand, loved every single thing about his doctor. "No, it wasn't a bit of fun, Bones McCoy," Jim smiled tremulously at him. "Don't ever do it again."

The room door opened and Geoffrey came in. "Well now, boss," he said, smiling down at Leonard and looking at all the bio bed readouts. "Happy you're back with us. You gave us quite a scare, so let's never do that again. We, none of us, but especially the Captain here, can't take it." He patted Leonard's shoulder gently.

Bones gave a small, weak, snort and tried without success to roll his eyes. "Din't really plan to get 'lectrocuted, Geoff." He licked his dry lips. "M' thirsty."

"Just a little water then," Geoffrey nodded to Jim who brought a glass with a straw up to Bones' lips.

"Slowly, Bones, drink it slowly." Jim cautioned him, letting him take a few sips, then removing the glass and moving out of Geoffrey's way.

"I'm going to remove the regenerators, Leonard; your wrist and ribs have healed. Feel any pain?"

"My head...hurts....hurts a lot."

"Yeah, I'm not surprised." Geoffrey pressed a hypo to his neck. "This should help." He waited a second and saw Leonard's face relax. "Better?"

"Yeah...better." Leonard turned his head restlessly from side to side, "Where's Jim...?"

"Here, Bones," Jim said stepping back. "I'm not going anywhere, not letting you go anywhere either. Stop worrying about that, okay?"

Leonard nodded wearily. "I'm sorry....Jim, my big mouth. Gonna'....gonna' fix that."

"Shhh, I know you will, Bones; we're going to fix this together, remember? You have to rest now. Geoffrey will kick me out if you don't rest." Jim frowned, as he whispered the same reassurances over again. Bones seemed to have completely forgotten their first conversation.

"I'm tired...real tired...Jimmy."

"Close your eyes, Bonsey. I'll be here when you wake up."

"S' good...want you here." Leonard's eyes closed.

The doctor frowned. "He keeps going to sleep...I'm a little concerned about that."

Jim looked worriedly at him. "Bones repeated the same conversation we'd had a minute before you walked in like he didn't remember it at all."

"So...short term memory loss, extreme fatigue, headache. I don't like these symptoms, Captain."

Jim paled. "Is it from the electric shock?" Jim's blue eyes dilated in fear. What if there had been brain damage. Bones' brilliant mind damaged in some way?

Geoffrey frowned at him. "I'll have to do more brain scans on him, but try not to worry. Even if there has been some brain injury, these days most injuries like that can be completely reversed. We'll know more after I do the tests. Some I can do while he sleeps, but he has to be awake for a couple of them. Let me get you a comfortable chair, Captain, because this is going to take a while."

They turned to the bed as Bones' whole body suddenly started thrashing violently! Geoffrey yelled, "Christine, I need you, he's seizing!" Christine was by his side instantly with hypos. "Give me 4 mg DiAtivan and 10 mg of the Trimidazolam!" Christine handed him the filled hypos and he injected them directly into Leonard's carotid artery. As the frightened Jim watched, M'Benga and Chapel leaned in and held him down until the two drugs did their work and Bones' body relaxed.

"What happened, Geoffrey? Is he all right?" Jim drew in a shuddering pained breath and sidled back to Leonard's side.

Geoffrey checked the bio bed readings and nodded. "He seems to be, but we better start those tests. Make yourself comfortable, Sir, this is going to take a while."

The evening seemed to stretch on interminably. Jim ignored everyone who urged him to go back to his quarters to shower and sleep. In the end, Jim reached a compromise with Spock. Janice went to his quarters to get him a change of comfortable clothes and he showered in the Med Bay. He stretched out his long legs on the recliner to wait for the test results. Scattered thoughts raced furiously through his mind. _Please be okay, please be okay and what did Bones mean that he was going somewhere to fix himself?_ Jim checked his padd again, still nothing to indicate what Bones was talking about. He got up and paced, then sat down again, too restless to stay in one place.

After what seemed like a glacial ice age, Geoffrey came out of the room. "He woke up for a bit, Captain. Asked what was going on and I explained." Geoffrey smiled grimly and shook his head. "Told me right away what was wrong with him, that's why the man is the best neurosurgeon in the Fleet."

"What's wrong with him?" Jim asked anxiously, his heart thudding in apprehension.

"Tests proved him right. He has a bleeder in the hippocampus. It's very small, but that's what caused the seizure, sleepiness, and the memory loss. He probably hit his head on the bulkhead and caused the injury. We'll operate right away and take care of it and he'll be fine."

"Brain surgery? Shit," whispered Jim. "How did this all go to hell in a hand basket so fast?" He paced up and down deeply agitated, aware of his incipient, rising panic.

Geoffrey sighed. "That's the way it is with accidents, not all injuries manifest right away. We're going to prep him for immediate surgery. It will be a long and delicate surgery, so why don't you try to get some sleep, Captain?"

"Sleep?" Jim almost laughed at the thought. Sleep was impossible with Bones in surgery only a few yards away. "I don't think I can sleep, Geoffrey, but I'll rest here." He settled himself once more on the recliner to wait. "I'm not going anywhere."

                                                                        ----------------------------------

"Captain? Captain?"

Jim blinked his eyes open, startled. He'd dozed off, finally succumbing to exhaustion.

"Wha...What is it?" He asked, jerking forward on the recliner. "Bones?"

Christine Chapel pulled up another chair and sank tiredly into it. "He's in recovery, Captain. Dr. M'Benga is with him, monitoring his vitals. He said to tell you that you can see him in 10 minutes."

"Is he...all right?" He asked in a hoarse whisper, still feeling a little dazed.

She nodded reassuringly "He's sedated right now, Sir. He'll probably sleep for the rest of ship's night and he's really not supposed to have visitors, but you're always the exception to that rule." She stood up and gave him a tired smile. "Please come with me, Captan. I'll take you to him."

Jim moved to go with her, and almost staggered against her. "Sorry," he muttered. "Don't know what's the matter with me."

"You're just physically and mentally exhausted, Captain, don't worry about it."'

She took him into the small recovery room which was full of electronic monitors that measured Bones' brain activity, blood flow, temperature and his heart and respiration rate. It took Jim a minute to see Bones in the bio bed. He looked smaller somehow, but he was sleeping peacefully. Geoffrey looked up and smiled.

"He's doing fine, Captain. His vitals are all good and he's resting comfortably. The bleeder was small. I cleaned around it, clamped it and then closed it. We caught it before it could do any major or permanent damage." He adjusted the bio bed, looked at the monitors again, and nodded satisfied. "I had to shave some of his hair on the side and he won't like that," Geoffrey smiled ruefully. "We'll give you a few moments alone," he said, as he and Christine walked out.

"Shit, Bones," Jim murmured, feasting his eyes on the pale face. Jim, a veteran of too many Med Bay visits, automatically checked the heart bio feed and saw it was beating slowly and steadily. That cold knot of terror in his gut was slowly dissipating as he gazed down at his doctor. The dark thoughts that had haunted him through most of the day since the accident were fading into the background. Geoffrey said he was fine and Jim could tell that he was. Bones no longer had pain furrows etched on his face, his color had returned to normal, and his hand was cool and dry like it usually was. Jim could catalog all of this in a split second, because there wasn't anything that he didn't notice about Bones. It had always been that way. From the beginning, Jim had immediately become hyper aware of the doctor and hell, since the day they met, Bones had demolished every single bit of Jim’s good sense and self control.

As he looked down at Bones, Jim shook his head in bewilderment. _When did this happen to me?_ he thought. _When did I fall so deep and so hard? Next thing I know I'll be writing love poems. So what_ , his tired brain answered him; _man up, James, and accept that you love him far more than you ever thought possible._ Jim snorted to himself. _I must have been crazy to ever think I could let him transfer off the ship._

He reached for Bones' hand, wrapping his own around the lax fingers. He was heartened when he felt those fingers squeeze back, though the hazel eyes remained closed.

Chapel came back into the recovery room. "Dr. M'Benga is in his office grabbing a cat nap, he's exhausted. Brain surgery does that to you." She checked the monitors and nodded in satisfaction. "He's doing well, Captain. He's going to sleep a few more hours if you want to get some rest. I'll also have to change his dressing then, but the incision is very small and won't leave a scar."

Jim looked into her compassionate blue eyes. "Thanks, Christine, but I wouldn't be able to sleep without him. I'll just stay here if that's all right." His one night without Bones had been so lonely, cold, and painful that he wasn't sure how he'd stood it.

Christine nodded. "Let's get your recliner," is all she said.

It was close to midnight when the dozing Jim heard a faint moan. He flung himself toward the bio bed. "Bones," Jim breathed, gasping his hand gently. "Oh God...Bones."

Leonard moaned again and slowly opened his eyes. In the meager light they looked more green than hazel as he slowly looked around the dim room until his gaze landed on Jim. A frown creased his brow. "Jim...." He licked his lips. "Have you been here all night, darlin?"

"Yeah, Bonsey," Jim choked out, tears of happiness stinging his eyes. "Was waiting for you to wake up."

The kind hazel eyes assessed him. "Well, I'ma awake now...so you go rest, you look like shit." Bones added irritably, voice hoarse.

Jim grinned through the lump in his throat. "No giving orders, Dr. McCoy. You're on the other side of the med bed now and you'll be the one taking orders for a while," he pressed a soft, tender kiss on Bones' temple well way from the bandage.

Chapel came in and smiled. "Glad to see you awake, Boss. Thirsty?"

Leonard nodded.

"You'll get a few ice chips and we'll see if they stay down before giving you water or juice, okay?"

"I'll do it, Christine," Jim told her, reaching out a hand for the cup and spoon.

"Only a little," she cautioned. "We don't want him to throw up," she told him, inclining the bio-bed.

Jim patiently gave Bones one ice chip at a time until Christine said enough and then she looked him over critically. Leonard raised an eyebrow at her and she grinned. "You'll do," she said. She brought out a hypo and injected him. Leonard scowled at her. "What's...that for?"

"Vitamins, electrolytes, and antibiotics. You're going to feel mighty puny for a couple of days."

Jim chuckled at her. "Going all southern on us, Christine Marie?"

"Learned from the best." She lowered the bed again. "Sleep now, Boss. You too, Captain. You'll both feel much better in the morning. Good night."

"Good night, Christine," Jim said. He tucked the blanket snugly around Bones. "Go to sleep, Bones. I'll be right here. I love you very much." He kissed him tenderly and yawned hugely.

Leonard returned the soft kiss. "Love you, more. Go to sleep now, Jimmy," he told him, closed his eyes and slept

 

 

 

 

.


	4. Chapter 4

**One and One Other, For There Are Two**

**Chapter 4**

**“The one who loves you will make you weep.”**

  
**Argentine Proverb**

 

They both slept deeply the rest of the night, McCoy because he was sedated, and Jim because he was emotionally and physically exhausted. Neither of them were aware that first Christine and later Geoffrey came in to check on Leonard. Each of them smiled when they saw that Jim was still holding Leonard's hand and was obviously not going to let go of it all night.

Jim woke at his usual time and immediately realized where he was. He was stiff, he was hungry and he needed a shower. Christine opened the door and looked in. Did the woman never sleep? To Jim she looked fresh as a daisy, her hair upswept and tidy, her blue eyes bright, her uniform crisp.

"Captain, I suggest you get some breakfast, take a shower and change clothes." She smiled sweetly, but Jim was not fooled. She did not say it as if it were a suggestion.

"I don't want to leave him, Christine, what if he wakes up and I'm not here?"

Christine gave him her Eye. Of. Doom. "Captain, Dr. McCoy is doing fine, he's well on his way to a complete recovery. He's going to sleep for another couple of hours and he will not be happy if he thinks you're not taking care of yourself. Besides, I'm sure you'd like to check in on the bridge crew, wouldn't you? Dr. M'Benga told me you've scheduled a briefing."

Jim sighed. He really didn't believe in no win scenarios but this was definitely a no win scenario. He might as well give in gracefully. "All right, Nurse Chapel. As Captain, I'll take your suggestion under advisement." There! Jim thought triumphantly, he'd subtly but definitely reminded her who was the boss here, just who outranked who, or was it whom. Anyway, he'd made it clear.

Christine looked singularly unimpressed and quirked her eyebrow in an uncanny imitation of Bones' well practiced 'I'm not impressed' look. "Of course, Captain." She smiled gently at him in a way that Jim was sure was meant to pacify him. He stood up wrapping his Captainly dignity around him.

"Don't worry, Sir. Either Dr.M'Benga or I will let you know as soon as Dr. McCoy wakes up."

Jim left the recovery room with one last lingering look at Bones. He did look a lot better which went a long way toward his peace of mind in leaving him. Back in his quarters, he got in the sonic, replicated some oatmeal and coffee for breakfast and put on his uniform. He'd go straight to the bridge and take care of some of his duties and the Orra Prime briefing, then return to Bones.

The bridge crew greeted him enthusiastically and Spock vacated the Captain's chair quickly. "How is Dr. McCoy, Captain?"

"He's doing very well, Mr. Spock." He looked around at his command crew. "Nurse Chapel assures me he's well on the way to a full recovery."

There were relieved smiles all around. The command crew had obviously been very worried about their CMO. "That's gratifying to hear." Spock said. "Captain, we will arrive at our Orra Prime orbit on schedule. With your permission, I will undertake the initial contact and finalize plans for the reception with them."

"Yes, please, Spock."

Janice Rand magically appeared at Jim's shoulder and handed him a stack of padds. Jim groaned. "Janice, didn't I just hand you a ton of these not long ago, and by that I mean yesterday?"

"Yes you did, Captain, but there are more to do. The department heads have signed off on their quarterly requisitions and so has Mr. Spock. Now it's your turn, Captain."

Jim looked a question at Spock who nodded his head. "I'm afraid so, Captain. They are due tomorrow to Admiral Jameson along with the update on our Orra Prime mission."

Resigned to the inevitable, Jim sighed and took the pile of padds Janice handed him. "Very well, Janice. I'll have them done as soon as possible."

"Thank you, Captain. I'll pick them up from you first thing tomorrow morning" She smiled at Jim. "I'm happy to hear that Dr. McCoy is recovering well. I stopped by Engineering on an errand and Mr. Scott told me. He'd just checked in on him with Dr. M'Benga." She nodded to everyone and left.

Looking around the bridge Jim saw all his crew busy at their assigned tasks. He put the padds in priority order and began to work until time for the briefing. His briefing, thanks to his command crew's experience with first contact missions and receptions, was short and routine. Jim's morning sped by on the quiet bridge until the comm on his chair beeped. He looked up startled. It was past lunch time and some of the bridge crew were gone. They always staggered their lunch break so the bridge was manned at all times. He saw it was a message coming in from medical.

_Captain,  
Dr. McCoy has been released to the CMO's quarters. He is restricted from duty for 48 hours and will be able to resume light duty after that. He is further restricted to light duty for an additional 48 hours and may then resume his regular duties as CMO._

_Signed: Geoffrey M'Benga MD. Acting Chief Medical Officer_

_cc: Commander Spock_

 

Jim toggled his comm button. "Nurse Chapel."

"Yes, Captain?"

"Was Dr. McCoy really well enough to be released?

"Yes, Sir. Dr. M'Benga checked him over very carefully; he was ambulatory, was able to void, had no pain, and was his usual grumpy self."

Jim snorted. "Sounds like he's well on his way to a full recovery then. Did he eat lunch?"

"No Sir. He said he wasn't hungry yet. Dr. M'Benga was going to ask chef to deliver his lunch in a little while."

"Belay that, Christine. I'll take it to him. I haven't eaten either. Are there any food restrictions?"

"Let me check, Captain." She came back on the comm quickly. "None, Sir."

"Thanks Christine. I'll see to it then. Let Dr. M'Benga know please. Kirk out."

Jim put away his padds, left the con with Uhura, and went by the mess to pick up their very late lunch. He stood at Bones' door, took a deep breath, punched the code and walked in. Bones was in bed, staring up at the ceiling, seemly lost in a reverie and unaware that Jim had come in.

"Bones."

Bones sat up, startled. "Jim! What are you doing here? Did you come to tell me your decision?" The hazel eyes, swirling with doubt and worry, searched his face.

"Bones! No!" Jim's voice echoed in the almost empty room. Bones flinched and Jim lowered his voice. "No, Bones. I told you in Med Bay, you're not going anywhere off this ship without me. We're going to fix this together. Remember?"

"Yeah, I remember." Bones said, but his eyes were sad as they looked at him. "I remember everything," Bones murmured. He looked so uncertain, so vulnerable, his shoulders hunched in on himself so miserably, that all of Jim's protective instincts flared in him.

"Look, Bonsey I've brought lunch for us." Jim said softly, hoping to distract Bones a little. "Christine told me you hadn't eaten yet. I was surprised when Geoffrey told me he'd released you to your quarters," Jim said, putting their lunches on the small table by the bed.

Bones nodded, stood, and slowly pulled two chairs up to the table. He ducked his head. "Yeah well. We all know I'm not a good patient, Captain. We all thought it'd be better for me and the Med Bay staff if I recovered here."

Jim knew that translated into 'I got agitated, and pulled rank until Geoffrey gave in and agreed to let me recuperate in my quarters.' His stomach twisted at the sound of the word 'Captain' coming from Bones' mouth.

Jim walked over to him, but Bones skittered away from him. Jim followed, but Leonard kept moving away keeping distance between them. Jim stopped walking. "Bones, stop....God, Bones, stop doing that. It’ll be okay. I promise you it’ll be fine, but please stop. Don't...don't walk away from me." Bones' face was a weary wreck, as he looked at Jim. Jim opened his mouth to sooth, to offer comfort, when his comm pinged. He glanced down at the message and saw it was from Spock, there was a note about Bones' status.

_Captain,_

  
_Dr. McCoy's request for medical leave has come through. He has requested 6 weeks of medical leave to attend therapy sessions with Dr. Vivicca S'Tass. Dr. S'Tass is half Betazoid and is a renowned therapist. Her response to Dr. McCoy's request is attached. Dr. S'Tass has agreed to see Dr. McCoy three times a week for six weeks in her office at Star Fleet Medical where he will complete her sessions on "Positive and Purposeful Responses to Conflict, Anger and Stress." Pending any objections from you, I have approved his request._

_  
Commander Spock_

_cc Lt. Commander Leonard H. McCoy, C.M.O., Enterprise_

 

Jim looked up and saw the lines of fatigue and sorrow etched on Bones' face. He thought his heart would break at the look in the hazel eyes looking back at him.

"Bones...." Jim said in protest.

"I wanted to tell you before the paperwork went through, but the accident got in the way. Vivicca is a colleague and a friend. Her sessions are always filled right away, but she's agreed to take me. I have to go, Jim." Bones made a wounded noise, ducked his head again and his shoulders slumped. "As I am now, I'm no good to you, and when I promised to follow you into the black, I wanted to be someone you could depend on, not someone who was a liability. I failed you, darlin', and that's never gonna' happen agin'. If I don't go and do something about controllin' my big mouth and temper, it'll happen again, or worse, I'll say somethin' on an away mission that could get us in big trouble, even killed. You know it's true, Jimmy. Us McCoys have never been known for being tactful." He smiled bitterly, his cheekbones flushed, his Georgia accent thick in his distress.

"Bones, no!" It was like a tidal wave, the love and sorrow Jim felt at the thought of the guilt and worry Bones was carrying. "You didn't fail me, sweetheart, you didn't. You made a mistake, but we've all made mistakes. You, more than anyone else, know I've made some huge ones! We'll fix this together, even Admiral Jameson wants us to work it all out here." Jim looked deeply into Bones' eyes trying to convince him. "You don't have to go." Jim told him, some thick emotion very like terror rising in his throat making his voice crack. What if Bones left and never came back? "Bones!" He reached desperate hands and gripped Bones' arms tightly. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, you're my rock, my lottery win in this universe. I don't want you to go. I was such an asshole, Bones. I don’t deserve you. I don’t.”

Since their Academy days, Bones had been a constant and steady presence in the chaos that was Jim's life, fixing every wound, every broken bone and bruise. He’d been Jim’s doctor and counselor and had always done everything Jim asked of him. He'd followed Jim into the black in spite of his raging aviophobia and saved him countless times. Jim couldn't imagine being Captain without Bones at his side. He lifted wild eyes to Bones. "Don't go," he whispered, mouth suddenly going dry. His heart began to pound with fear that did not ease until Bones cupped Jim's face in a firm gentle hold. "I have to go, darlin', but I'll be back." His face hardened with determination. "You're not an asshole, you did right, Jimmy. I deserved that reprimand, what I did was wrong, really bad. I promise you, I will come back, and you won't have to worry 'bout me ever sayin' or doing anything like that again."

Jim reached for him and brought him close to his body. He kissed Bones and as always, Bones opened up to him immediately. Their kisses should have been desperate and frantic after their being apart from each other, but to Jim, hungry for the feel and taste of his Bones, those kisses felt like he'd dived into a warm, welcoming sea. The kisses, gentle and tender though they were, almost hurt, they were so intense. Jim felt dazed from those kisses. Bones held him tight, like he was afraid Jim would let him go.

Jim could feel they were both already hard."Bones," he murmured in protest "You just got out of Med Bay. We shouldn't do this, you haven't fully recovered."

"Shhh," Bones whispered. "I'm fine, I promise. I need you, Jim, need you so much." His hazel eyes were dark with love and need as he looked at him. He kissed Jim with a breathtaking urgency.

Jim shivered. He could never refuse Bones anything and right now he wasn't thinking as a captain, he was thinking as the man who was going to be without his lover, his best friend, for six long weeks. Since they'd met, except for mandated training missions back at the Academy, he and Bones had never been apart for more than a couple of days.

Their mouths and arms separated briefly, enough to remove their shirts, and enough for Jim to push Bones gently over to the bed. He trailed his hands slowly down Bones' chest, caressing the hard muscles down to his waist, brushing over his nipples, the line of his pectorals and down to the abdominals, his deft fingers unhooking his belt. Bones stood absolutely still, panting softly, while Jim took off the rest of his clothes. Jim's breath also came quickly as he looked at Bones. His muscles and stomach were flat, he was long and lean, built differently from Jim. His shoulders were broader, his waist leaner, his legs straight and muscled. Bones' hazel eyes shone green in the low light of the room, his pupils blown wide. His lips were red from Jim's kisses and the nibbles from his teeth. Lust and love raged through Jim's body as he ran his hands down the long, lean body. It was always like this between them, instantly incendiary and scorching hot. His love for Bones ran so deep, he knew his heart would stop beating without him. “Bones," Jim breathed, kissing him over and over, "Bones, Bones, Bones."

Jim pushed him gently and they collapsed on the bed, Bones' heavy body on top. His heart clenched at the sight of Bones pressed tightly against him once more. Leonard’s mouth opened as Jim slipped his tongue between his parted lips. "It's all right," he whispered, twisting his hands in Bones' hair. Bones moaned softly against Jim. "It's all right, Bonesy. We need this, I need this." He pushed Bones slightly off, and scrambled up to sit against the wall behind the bed, struggling with Bones' weight until he was seated on his lap. He pressed one hand to Bones' back to steady him and with the other took both their cocks in a warm grasp and started to move his hand up and down, his callused fingers providing delicious friction for both of them.

In the dimness and quiet of the room, all that could be seen were two bodies rocking and undulating, all that could be heard were quiet murmurs, moans and whimpers filling the air. Jim sighed under Bones' caresses. Jim's orgasmed first, his hand moving faster and more erratically. “Oh…oh. God. Bones...Bones...Bones...."  He made a soft strangled cry, his lips on Bones’ skin as he came in hot spurts between them.

Bones tucked his head into the juncture of Jim's neck and a groan escaped him. The feeling of Jim's hot cum against his skin pushed him inexorably toward his climax, until he too broke, careening over the edge."Jim, Jim, Jim...so good...Jim, darlin', I love you...love so much."

Slowly, they came back to themselves Jim’s head on Bones' shoulder, and Bones totally spent and pliant against him. With one hand Jim carded his fingers through Bones' dark hair and with the other he bent down and used his black t-shirt to clean them both. He pulled Bones closer to him and rolled them to lie on the bed. They lay there face to face, arms and legs wrapped around each other, with Jim clutching Bones tightly to him. Jim breathed him in, touched his lips to his eyebrows, his cheekbones. He closed his eyes, memorizing the scent and texture of his doctor. It had never been like this, not once with any of his previous sexual partners, not even close. The mere thought of being without this man was like a knife to his heart. "Jesus, Bones, that was intense...you alright, baby?" He whispered anxiously.

Bones nodded. "I'm fine...it was good, Jimmy, so good. I needed that, needed you. I have to go, darlin," he added softly, reading Jim's mind without effort, as he kissed him gently. "I'll comm you every day I promise. The time will go by fast." The love in that soft kiss sent a fresh twinge of pain through Jim’s chest and he gave Bones a small smile when those hazel eyes met his. Their colors, brown, amber, green, gray, blue, all swirled together like a nebula at the center of the universe...and that was somehow fitting, because Bones was the center of Jim's own personal universe.

"I know, Bones. But are you well enough to travel? Geoffrey said you're restricted to light duty."

Bones nodded. "I'm not going to do anything but travel on a shuttle and sit on my butt in Vivicca's office. That's light enough."

Jim nodded, reluctantly. "If you think it's the right thing to do, who am I to say it isn't. Just come back to me, Bones." He looked deep into the hazel eyes. "Please. Promise to come back to me."

"'Course I will, darlin', if you're sure. I was thinkin' you didn't want me here any more. I made up my mind to bear it, if that was what you wanted." He sighed deeply. "I was gonna' go get the therapy anyway and then resign and go back to Georgia and open a practice there. I couldn't stay in Starfleet without you."

Jim shook his head in vehement protest. "No more could I, Bones. I couldn't be Captain without you." He pulled at the dark locks gently. "And I've never been more sure of anything in my life then that I want you right back here with me. You got that, McCoy?" He grinned wickedly, pecking at Bones' soft lips. "You wouldn't want to leave me to Spock's tender mercies without you to run interference, would you?" He asked, trying to lighten the ache in both their hearts.

Bones snorted. "Not hardly. As if I'd leave you with the hobgoblin by yourself. I wouldn't do that to you, Jim," he said, scowling darkly.

Jim had never been more happy to hear the grumpy 'Jim' come out of Bones' mouth and to see that his mood had considerably improved in the aftermath of their gentle lovemaking. They had both badly needed that intense, passionate reconnection.

"When are you leaving?"

"Tomorrow morning. Spock said one of the Ensigns would pilot me then bring the shuttle back. Is that okay, Jim?" He asked anxiously.

"Of course it is. I'd pilot you myself if I could." He sighed. "I'm going to miss you so much. Good thing Orra Prime and quarterly inspections are on my roster. That'll keep me pretty busy."

"I'm gonna' miss you too, Jim. More than you can imagine." He sighed deeply. "But it's for the best, I'm sure of that."

Jim looked anxiously at Bones. "Are you going to be okay flying on the shuttle?"

"Geoffrey gave me some anti-anxiety meds to take for comin' and goin'. He said I was in no shape to handle it by myself like I usually do."

Jim stirred restlessly at the thought of Bones, with his rampant aviophobia, being by himself on the shuttle. For the moment, he also pushed away the thought of Bones being gone for six interminable weeks. "Come on, Bones. Let's get your stuff back to our quarters. Good thing you didn't unpack much."

"I knew I had to pack for my six weeks medical leave, so I was just gonna' keep it all packed up in case...." He stopped abruptly.

"In case what?"

"In case you wanted me to transfer...leave the ship."

"Not a chance in hell!" Jim looked into the beautiful hazel eyes. "You don't have to worry about that ever again. You hear me, Bones McCoy? Never again! I must have been nuts when I said that to you." Jim stood up and started putting on his clothes. "Come on, we're going home to our quarters and tomorrow morning I'll see you off." He picked up their food trays. "These are just sandwiches, we can eat them back in our quarters."

Bones pulled on his own clothes and he started separating what was going with him and what was staying. He stuffed a few uniforms, socks and underwear in his duffle.

Jim stopped him. "Leave it, Bones. We need to make the most of our last night together. It'll have to tide us over for six weeks. We'll take care of the rest early tomorrow morning. When you get back I'll have all your things back in our quarters." He smiled at Leonard. "There is one positive thing about your leaving in the morning, Bones."

Bones looked at him, shocked. "What?"

"You're going to miss the meet and greet tomorrow night." Jim told him, as he pulled his doctor through the door and they went to their quarters.


	5. Chapter 5

**One and One Other, For There Are Two**

**Chapter 5**

" **When you come out of the storm you won't be**  
**The same person who walked in."**  
**Haruki Marakamu**

 

Jim woke from a fitful sleep. He turned in the bed to pull Bones into his arms, but there was only a cold empty spot where a warm Bones' should be, needed to be, and had not been for over 5 weeks. He sighed. He might as well get up...he knew there would be no more sleep for him. God, he was so tired. He was tired and in that special hell where he'd wake up too early and go to bed too late because Bones wasn't in bed with him There had been no good sleep to be had for almost six weeks

During the day he'd kept himself pretty busy while Bones had been gone. The Orra Prime mission had been a resounding success. Command had been pleased with him (wonders never cease, said the Bones' voice in his head) and the departments' quarterly inspections had been completed on time and both Janice and Spock had been pleased with him about that. The only one who was not feeling at all pleased about much of anything was Jim. He was lonely, irritable, and generally miserable without Bones.

He walked to the sonic, came out, got dressed and ready for his bridge duty. He decided against going to the mess for breakfast. He'd replicate something in his cabin, something high in calories. He was aware he'd lost weight during the time Bones had been gone; the doctor always kept an eagle eye on Jim's weight, well aware of Jim's tendency to stop eating when he was stressed. Spock and Uhura were also not happy with him about his weight loss and truth be told Bones wouldn't be happy either. They were also not happy because Jim's normally sunny, happy disposition had apparently gone walk-about and he was short tempered with the crew. The usual happy, relaxed atmosphere on the bridge had been sadly missing for a while now. Poor Chekov had almost cried when Jim had reprimanded him for something utterly trivial. He had earned himself a blistering glare from best friend Sulu, and a horrified stare from Nyota. That's when Spock had gone up to him and asked politely, "May I see you in your Ready Room, Captain?" Jim had opened his mouth to say no, but one look at Spock's face had stopped the words before they were uttered and he'd followed his First off the bridge.

"Captain." Spock drew in a breath and faced his superior officer.

 _He's royally pissed_ , thought Jim. "Yes, Mr. Spock?" he asked quietly.

"I, and all the Command crew, realize that you are...somewhat...uneasy...because Dr. McCoy is away," he paused. "However Sir, I must protest your reprimand of Ensign Chekov. He was doing his utmost to do as you asked as quickly as possible. No one could have done it faster."

Jim was aware that Chekov was by way of being a protege of Spock's, but not until now had Jim realized that Spock was also protective of the generally beloved youngest member of the crew.

"You're right, Spock. I was out of line." Jim sighed wearily. "I'll apologize to him, I'll apologize to all the command crew. I know I haven't been myself in recent weeks."

"That is unnecessary, Sir, except for Ensign Chekov, of course," he added. "We all realize that you greatly miss the doctor."

So, tactfully put in his place, as well as properly chastised, Jim had apologized handsomely and received a radiant, relieved smile from Chekov and nods of approval from Uhura and Sulu. He tried his best after that not to bring his personal misery to the bridge.

He ate his breakfast sitting at his desk looking over his schedule until his main comm beeped. It was his early morning call from Bones. He hurriedly opened the screen. "Bones!" He smiled widely at the beloved face. For the last almost six weeks, Jim has lived for these twice daily comms and the sight of Bones' face.

"Hi darlin'. Just finishing breakfast?" Bones cast a keen eye on the remains of Jim's oatmeal, buttered toast, juice and coffee.

"Yeah, Bones. Getting ready to head up to the bridge. How are things with you?"

"Real good, Jimmy. Vivicca commed me last night after I spoke with you. She's gonna' send you and Spock a complete report with a summery of everything we did in each session. I signed the release yesterday morning so you and Spock can view all her session notes."

Jim looked carefully at Bones. He looked relaxed and at peace with himself and the world. In fact he looked better than Jim did. "At this point, Bones, all I care about is that you're coming home. I've missed my cranky CMO so much." The truth was that Jim hadn't done well without the refuge of Bones' steady presence and that boundless affection that always mitigated the heavy weight of command. He'd managed these last few weeks by dint of his formidable will power and stubbornness. He'd had to make friends with the devil of loneliness to muddle through somehow, but enough was enough. After everything Jim had been through in his life, the abuse, all the pain of Tarsus, the losses, the guilt; after years of loneliness, rejection, fights, and sadness, his heart had found a refuge in Bones. There it had stayed to be nurtured and cherished, and oh, how he missed that refuge.

Bones eyes softened. "No more then I've missed you, Jim. But this was a good thing; I've accomplished a lot here. I owe Vivicca so much, she's been great. Wait 'til you read her report, you'll see." He hesitated, then asked hurriedly. "I know you were going to talk with Admiral Jameson to update him. What did he say?"

"I've kept him in the loop like you asked me to, Bones. You already know that he was very pleased you took the initiative to see Dr. S'Tass; he's even more pleased that you've worked so hard to accomplish all the goals that you and Dr. S'Tass set for you. He said there's no longer any reason to consider a transfer, and after your final report, I don't need to update him anymore."

"Thank God for that," Bones gave a deep sigh of relief. He looked somberly into the blue eyes he loved so much. "I'm fit for duty, Jim. I asked Vivicca to evaluate me last Friday, and she agrees that I'm ready. There won't ever be repeat of what happened, I promise you. I don't wanna' ever have to leave you, darlin, or the ship. It would break this ole’ heart of mine."

Jim's lips curved into a sweet, loving smile. "Bones! No matter what, that's never going to happen. I never had any doubt that you'd do what you set out to do and that you'd be back, but there's no way I'd let us be separated. Wherever you go, I go too. If it's one thing I've learned these last six weeks is that I can't be without you. My life, this ship, they've been like a wasteland without you. You belong with me. I love you so much, and I know you feel the same about me."

Leonard answered him with a huge smile...his hazel eyes shining bright and gold in the reflected light from the comm.

Jim felt the usual flash of heat and hunger that Bones always inspired in him. He swallowed hard and raised a suspicious eyebrow. "You’re smiling,” Jim said. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile that big in a very long time, Bones McCoy. What's up?"

Bones smiled even wider. "Vivicca said I'm done. Since I've met all my goals, I don't have to have my Wednesday or Friday sessions. I'm heading home tomorrow morning, Jimmy. She'll send you the formal fitness-for-duty eval when we get back to the ship, you can forward it to the Admiral if you think it's necessary. I'll sign the release," Leonard added. "I even got a ride to Jupiter this afternoon....a medical transport is delivering meds so I begged for a ride and they said I could go with them. Would you be able to send the shuttle for me or shall I come by public transport?"

"Bones...," Jim breathed out, in delight. "You're coming home?"

"I'm coming home, darlin'," and Bones smiled at Jim again, that singularly loving smile where his upper lip curled and his dimples peeked out. It was the smile that only Joanna and Jim ever got to see.

Jim closed his eyes for a few seconds. A surge of giddy joy ran through him as he opened his eyes and saw that smile and dimples flash again. _Oh God,_ Jim thought. _That mouth is pure sin and I'm going to get to kiss it sooner than later._

"Bones, that's fantastic news!" Jim fairly vibrated with excitement. "Four days early, thank God! You know what? No shuttle pilot for you. I'm going to pick you up myself. I'll take _Copernicus_ to the Jupiter Space Station tomorrow morning. It's our biggest shuttle and it'll be more comfortable for you with your aviaphobia. I'll meet you there and we'll spend the night then head back."

"Jim! Can you get away that fast? It's awful short notice."

"I'll leave the con with Spock. We don't have anything important pending so the answer is yes." He smirked. "Bones, who says I can't take a couple of days off? You know I hardly ever take any time off. I have a lot of leave accumulated."

"That's true, you're always on duty." A furrow appeared on Bones forehead. "Don't think I haven't noticed that you've lost weight, Jim." His gaze softened as he saw Jim's guilty twitch. "Don't you worry 'bout it, Jimmy, we'll have some good meals together when I get back and get your weight back up...and we'll eat dessert every day for a while."

Jim's chronometer gave a soft ping; it was his time to head for the bridge ping. Jim made a face. "I have to go, Bones. Comm me this evening after you get to Jupiter and I'll give you my ETA for tomorrow morning, okay?"

"Talk to you tonight then. Love ya, darlin'."

"Love you too, Bonsey."

Jim's mood had made a 360 degree turn as he headed to the bridge. He was hard put to keep a dignified Captain’s face in the corridor to the lift. Once he strode into the bridge, he let his grin break out. "Bones is coming home. I'm going to pick him up at the Jupiter Space Station tomorrow morning in _Copernicus_. Lt. Uhura, please comm Mr. De Salle and have him get the shuttle ready for me." He turned to Spock, "You'll have the con, Spock and please log in two days of personal leave for me."

"Aye, Sir."

"He'll be okay now," Sulu said soto voice to Chekov, who nodded. It was a relief for everyone. An unhappy Jim meant an unhappy Alpha command crew. They loved their Captain and wanted him to be happy and that happiness had been sorely dimmed these last six weeks. The two of them glanced back discreetly at Jim. Jim's blue eyes, brave and kind, were looking at the view screen and were glowing with happiness. Chekov drew in a relieved breath and exchanged a happy glance with Sulu.

The day went by quickly with Alpha shift being a relaxed and happy shift once again. Jim finished his duty, signed his personal leave forms, and went to his cabin to change into his civvies. He was officially off the clock now and on personal leave. He packed his overnight duffle and checked his chronometer. He had promised Spock and Uhura he'd meet them for dinner and it was time to go to the officers' mess.

This evening they were the only ones present. The yeoman brought in their plates and for the first time since Bones had left, Jim could honestly say he was hungry. Uhura looked at him approvingly. "I'm happy to see your appetite is back." She looked him over critically. "You've lost weight, Jim, and Leonard won't be too happy about that."

"Yes, mother." Jim's looked up at her, smirking, and she saw that his face looked bright and happy. "Bones is coming home early, and that's all I needed to hear for my stomach to behave and my appetite to come back." He drew in a deep breath. "I'm happy," he said contently, eyes shining.

"That is gratifying to hear, Captain," Spock told him. "Since the Captain's continued well being falls under the pervue of the First Officer, I, too, was concerned about your weight loss."

Jim looked at both of them exasperated. He hated to be mother henned, and all his command crew, and most especially Bones, had the tendency to do so. "Let's order dessert, then. I can use all those the extra calories," he said, deliberately changing the subject.

After dinner, Jim excused himself to go back to his cabin and wait for Bones' comm. While he waited, he commed Scotty to check on the readiness status of _Copernicus_.

"Our little beauty is ready for yea, Captain. The two of yea will be snug as two peas in her. 'Tis fine the good doctor is coming home, Sir, I've missed the lad. Poker night is not the same without him."

"There's a lot of things that aren't the same without him, Scotty, including me."

"Aye, Sir. We've all noticed. He's been sorely missed. Goodnight, Captain."

"Goodnight, Scotty, and thank you. Kirk out."

As soon as he closed the conn, it beeped again. It was Bones. "Hi, darlin', Are you busy; is this a good time?"

"Never too busy for you." Jim gave him a dazzling smile. "Just finishing some last minute details before I leave in the morning." They grinned at each other, both feeling a little giddy with happiness at the prospect of seeing each other tomorrow. "How was your flight? Did you do alright on the shuttle?"

"Yeah, I did. I didn't even need the meds that Geoffrey sent with me. I had them ready just in case, but I didn't need them. We had a great pilot, not a bump to be felt the whole way to Jupiter. Nearly as good as Sulu," he grinned, "but don't tell him I said that. We got here right on time and I checked us into a hotel. I'm sending you the location right now."

Jim looked down at his comm and beamed at him. "That's fantastic, Bones. I can't wait to see you. I probably won't be able to sleep tonight I wanna see you so badly."

Bones dimples flashed. "You better be rested up, Jim Kirk, 'cause you're gonna' need all your strength and stamina once you get here."

Jim laughed out loud, his fair skin turning a faint pink. "I hear you and I can assure you that you won't have any reason for complaints. It's been almost six weeks without you and we're not gonna leave that bed for 24 hours except for food and a shower." He sighed happily, his imagination already running rampant with all the things he and Bones were going to do. "I've missed you so much, Bones. Let's never be apart like this again. I've been going crazy without you here. I miss you in my bed, on the bridge, in the Med Bay where I can just drop in, waking up with you, having lunch and dinner with you. I've been a mess, irritable and cranky. I even got mad at Chekov, poor kid."

"Jim!" Bones was aghast."That's like kicking a little puppy."

"I know, Bones. I apologized when Spock called me on it."

"I should think so," Bones said, frowning. "I don't often agree with pointy, but I have to this time. Chekov worships the ground you walk on." He sighed. "I know this was hard for both of us, Jim. Next time we have a problem, darlin' we just gotta' do things differently. Vivicca and I talked about it a lot. First of all, we need to do what I've heard other couples do; it's called talking to each other. I've heard good things about that talking thing." Bones smiled across the comm miles, his eyes crinkling at the corner.

Jim smiled back at him. "Yeah, as hard as it is for two emotionally constipated adult males, we need to learn to use our words," Jim chuckled. "Aaaand speaking of talking, some words need to be said right now, so let me be the one to start, Dr. McCoy." Jim cleared his throat a little self consciously, eyes wide, face serious now. "Okay, here it goes. After all these years I only keep falling more and more in love with you and being without you isn’t an option anymore." He looked deep into the hazel eyes. "What have you done to me, Bones McCoy, that I can't be happy without you, your love, your friendship, your support? My life just doesn't work well without your presence. All this, my ship, the crew, exploring out here, it means nothing without you beside me. I would have given it all up in a heart beat if you'd had to leave the ship; none of it would have been enough to keep me here."

"Jim, no! This ship, it means everything to you!" Bones looked shocked. "Being Captain is what you were born to do! It’s your destiny. You're gonna' be the finest damn captain in the history of Starfleet."

"Not without you, Bones. It means nothing without you." The cerulean eyes, blazing hot with emotion, met Bones' stunned hazel ones.

"Jim...Jim, darlin'." McCoy's cheeks were flushed. "You know I'm not good with words. You're the silver tongued one, but it means the world to me, what you've just said, that you feel that way about me. I only came out into the black because of you. I couldn't imagine your leaving me behind. You've been the one constant in my life since my divorce; through all these years you're the only thing that's kept me sane, first at the Academy and now in that damned flying tin can."

"Guess we can't do without each other, then," Jim gave him a blissful smile. "Dr. McCoy, we have met co-dependency and it is us. But I wouldn't have it any other way."

They stared at each other across the miles in complete understanding.

Jim sighed softly, regretfully. "I have to go. I still have some things I have to go over with Scotty before I leave tomorrow. I'll send you my ETA right before I take off in the morning."

"All right, darlin' I'll be in the shuttle lounge waiting for you. I want to be there when you land."

"That'll be perfect, Bones. I'll see you tomorrow. I love you."

"Love you more, Bye Jimmy."

 

 

 

 

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	6. Chapter 6

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**One and One Other, For There Are Two**

**  
Chapter 6**

**Epilogue**

**"So in a voice, so in a shapeless flame,  
Angels affect us oft, and worshipped be;  
Still when, to where thou wert, I came."**

**  
John Donne**

 

Jim's shuttle was directed to the public parking lot by Jupiter Space Central. _Copernicus_ had brought him to the Jupiter Space Station as fast as he could push her. His impatience to get here to see Bones had barely been contained while he piloted the shuttle.

"Shuttle is parked, Space Central," Jim said into the shuttle comm. "Permission to disembark."

"Permission granted. Welcome to the Jupiter Space Station, Captain Kirk. It's an honor to have you here." 

"Thank you, a pleasure to be here. Can you direct me to the shuttle lounge?"

"Affirmative, Captain. Walk 500 yards directly in front of you, turn right, up one flight of stairs, and you'll be there."

"Thanks. Kirk out."

Jim didn't run, but he walked as fast his long legs could carry him. He opened the lounge door and there was Bones, impatiently pacing.

"Bones."

Leonard turned and his face lit up into a blinding smile. "Jim...," he breathed.

There was no one else in the room so Jim lunged for him and threw his arms tightly around him. They pressed against each other, not an inch of space between them. Jim grabbed Bones' face between his hands and kissed him frantically. He was like a drink of cool water after standing in the blazing heat of a desert. That passion always simmering just beneath the surface, flared instantly and turned into a full blaze. The kiss eventually ended when the need for air became a pressing concern and they had to break apart to take a breath. They looked into each other's eyes for a moment and smiled giddily.

"Bones," Jim moaned. "Oh my God, I've missed you so much. You're never going anywhere without me again." No matter what, from now on, his Bones would always be beside him. That's just the way it had to be. "Missed you." He pressed his forehead to Bones. "My Bones," Jim murmured tenderly and leaned in for a slow, possessive kiss. The _Enterprise_ and her crew might be his new family, but Bones was his heart and his home. He became aware that he was shivering, that his breath came rapidly and that his heart was galloping in his chest. Too long, too long, it had been way too long without Bones.

Leonard drew back slightly and met Jim's gaze. "I'm here, darlin' I'm right here." Bones' stubborn lock of hair that never responded to any hair products, slid forward to his forehead, and Jim brushed it back with slightly shaky fingers. "It's been the longest 6 weeks of my life, too, Jim, but it's done now and a lot of good happened." He cupped Jim's face and kissed him again, long and sweet.

Oh God! Those hands! Those beautiful clever hands were finally, finally, touching him again after too long a time. Jim felt a surge of possessiveness run through him and he smashed their mouths closer together. _Mine, mine, mine_ , he thought exultantly, as he heard Bones moan into their kiss. He reveled in the knowledge that only he had the power and the privilege of wringing that sort of emotional response from Bones.

“Want you so bad,” Jim sighed against Bones’ lips. He slid his hand down Bones arm to encircle his wrist and stroke the delicate skin there. It was warm and he could feel the slightly raised veins and the rapid beat of Bones' pulse as it quickened under his fingers.

“Here? Now?” McCoy’s dimples flashed in amusement.

Jim looked around the lounge. "Probably not a good idea. Might destroy my Captainly reputation, and yours too," he added, grinning, looking at the hazel eyes brimming with mirth.

"You think?" Bones asked, and tugged at him. "Let's get out of here. Our hotel room is waiting, darlin'. The things I'm gonna' do to you," he growled softly, leading him to the door.

Jim’s reply was a wordless groan and a sudden halt by the door to kiss Leonard again. They broke apart reluctantly. "We can take the hotel shuttle, it comes by every 15 minutes," Bones told him, keeping a tight grasp on his hand.

The shuttle deposited them at the hotel and they took the lift up to the 19th floor. They didn't even touch each other in the lift, afraid that if they did, they wouldn't be able to stop. As soon as their room door closed behind them, Jim dropped his duffel and they were in each other's arms. Jim sighed happily. He buried his face in Bones shoulder inhaling the scent of sandalwood soap, citrus aftershave and the scent of just Bones. Jim could hear his own heart hammering in his chest, pulsing in his ears, and he was already half hard. Pressed tightly against Bones, he could feel that he was too.

Jim's body was suffused with heat, but for now, they were content to kiss and touch skin, lazily rocking into each other. They both whispered their need and profound loneliness without each other, all their pent up love and passion spilling out from swollen, bitten lips between frantic kisses.

Leonard tugged Jim gently toward the bedroom and pulled Jim’s shirts off and kissed him again, running his hands up and down Jim’s muscled back and arms, stroking the warm, velvety skin. In well a practiced, choreographed move, Bones nimble fingers opened Jim's belt buckle and fly, pushed his jeans and briefs down and Jim did the same for Bones. They fell on the bed clasped tightly together and Jim shuddered at the feeling of all that glorious naked skin pressed against him. "Bones, Bones, Bones. God, I missed you so damned much. Everyone on the ship missed you, but me most of all."

He cupped both hands around Bones' face and looked at him in the dim light of the bedroom, at the shadows of his thick lashes on his cheekbones, at the beautiful swirl of the colors in his eyes, at the look of happiness on his face, and he leaned in to press their lips together again.

Bones crawled over him, planting bites and sucking marks all over Jim's stomach and up his neck. Jim reached down and curled his fingers around the velvety skin of Bones’s erection and he made a helpless noise, a soft whimper of need. He gasped as Bones' warm hand also came down to close around Jim's erection, fingers stroking up and down his shaft. Their kisses were urgent, desperate, as was the lovemaking that followed.They knew each other so well now, knew each other's bodies, where and how to touch and how to wring the maximum amount of pleasure from each other. They didn't last long and they quickly climaxed together. Leonard rolled off of Jim, smiling gently, eyes aglow with happiness and satiation. Jim cuddled into him and Leonard pressed a kiss to his swollen lips. "So good,” Jim whispered. “That was so good, Bones. I needed you so much!"

"God, I missed you, Jim. There were times when I thought I couldn't stay another day, couldn't be without you one more minute. It just 'bout killed me." Bones kissed him again, long and deep, a breathtaking kiss, putting every ounce of anguish that he couldn't articulate into that kiss.

This, this was what he wanted, Jim thought, dazedly, as Bones tugged him closer against his body. This was what he needed, had needed desperately for all those long weeks without his doctor.

Jim wrapped himself against Bones' side, flung an arm over his chest and curled there, right where he belonged. Bones closed his eyes, whispered, "love you, Jim," and was immediately sound asleep. Jim watched him as he slept and ran a gentle hand all along Bones' shoulders and arms, pressing a soft kiss against his temple. He admired the long torso, the curves and planes of Bones' magnificent body, a body usually kept hidden under medical scrubs. Jim smiled to himself. Just as well, he thought, because he sure didn't want anyone else to covet what was his. He stroked his fingers lightly down Bones' chest and flat stomach and used his index finger to lightly trace words of love into his skin, _love you, need you, all mine._ Jim sighed. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been so absolutely, blissfully happy. He closed his eyes and slept deeply and dreamlessly for the first time in weeks.

Jim woke up first, his stomach rumbling with hunger. From the way the light filtered through the transparent curtains, it was late afternoon. He was very hungry; he'd skipped breakfast in his eagerness to get to Jupiter. He looked over at Bones, still deeply asleep and grinned. Just the sight of the sleeping man beside him, made Jim feel as if he'd been drinking champagne; airy, light, floaty. Bones did things like that to Jim, he always had, made him feel stupid in love, his brain mushy, his knees weak; in other words, made him feel like a sappy, love drunk fool.

Bones opened his eyes, looked up at the blue eyes shining with incandescent joy and smiled sweetly. "Jim, darlin', you're here. Thought I was dreamin' there for a minute."

"Not a chance, Dr. McCoy! I'm right here and I'm starving. Shall we order room service?"

"Sounds real good, but how 'bout a shower first...together," he added, slyly, "otherwise we're gonna' be glued together." 

Jim laughed. "You don't have to ask me twice," he said, tugging at Bones' arm to get him up. "Ugh," he winced, as he separated his body from Bones'.

"Yeah, me too," he said looking at the dried mess on his stomach. "It's a real water shower," Leonard said. "I picked this hotel specially for that."

They stepped into the large shower stall and basked in the torrent of hot water hitting them. Leonard winced when the hot spray struck his skin, and Jim stepped between him and the hot water and pressed him up against the wall of the shower. Surrounded by Jim's body, Leonard smoothed his hands up and down the wet planes of Jim's back, feeling each strong muscle. Jim groaned softly, as he leaned in to kiss Leonard's throat. Their erections bumped together, dragging against each and both of them moaned.

“Jim... Jim.” Leonard buried his face in Jim's shoulder, carding his fingers through the soaked soft strands of his hair. Every responsive noise Bones made, electrified Jim, spurring him on. He hummed his pleasure and took Leonard's erection firmly in hand. Leonard shuddered, bucking into Jim's hand. Bending his head, Jim kissed and lapped at Leonard's chest, swirling his tongue over one of Leonard's dripping nipples, breathing on the wet skin, raising goosebumps on Leonard's flesh.

"Do you want my mouth on you, Bones?" Jim whispered, voice hoarse with desire.

"Not right now, Jim. Want you up here so I can kiss you...can't get enough of your kisses."

Jim nodded, twisted his wrist, took his own cock in hand and brought both their erections together. Leonard hands went to the sharp bones of Jim's hips and gripped tightly. The hard press of Jim's hand on their erections was just short of painful, but the friction was delicious and they rocked together as they were blasted by the hot water. It was wildly erotic. Jim lapped at Bones and tasted clean water and Bones' skin. Their passion grew more frenzied and the shower walls echoed with their moans and gasps. When they came, it was joyous and beautiful.

After they came down from their orgasms, they gently finished washing each other and used the fluffy white towels to dry themselves. Once back on the bed and dressed only in their sleep pants, Jim ordered room service. Neither of them wanted to leave the room or be with other people. The food came and they ate with gusto and enthusiasm, ravenously hungry after all the sex. They shared a rich and gooey dessert and Jim got up and left the trays outside their room doors and put the Do Not Disturb sign on their door. He got back in the bed and sighed happily. He and Bones sat up against the headboard close together holding hands, Jim's head on his shoulder, while Bones told him about his time with Dr. S'Tass, how difficult the sessions had been for him, how hard it had been to change his impulsive, reactive behavior to the stressor scenarios the doctor had set up for him, and how finally, using the techniques Dr. S'Tass taught him, he was able to control his angry impulsive responses. "It was hard, Jim, trying to change so many years of habitual angry responses to situations that I don't like or stuff I don't agree with, but I did it."

"I'm so proud of you, Bones, of all you've accomplished. I am, but don't change too much, baby. I love my gruff, grumbly Bones so much. I want you to always feel free to tell me exactly how you feel, especially when you're sad, scared or angry. I count on you to keep me grounded. Promise me, baby." 

"I will, Jim, I promise," Bones said. "You promise the same, okay?" 

Jim nodded. "I promise," he said and gripped Leonard's hand tighter. "It was hard for me too, Bones. During the day I kept myself busy." He drew in a deep breath. "I was so lonely without you, especially at night, back in our quarters. I missed the way you wake up with that terrible bed head in the mornings, the way I open my eyes and sometimes see you've been watching me sleep. I missed how you run your fingers through my hair, and kiss my eyelids and nose to wake me up. Most of all I missed the way you're always there for me, knowing exactly what I need, sometimes even before I do myself. When I feel overwhelmed or scared, you know how to make me feel better. Every day I give thanks that I wake up and find you in my bed. I'm sorry that I've never said it or showed it enough, but it’s true, and these weeks without you have shown me the truth of that as never before."

"Jim," Bones hazel eyes glowed green with relief. "I was so afraid I might've lost your trust, lost you." He pulled Jim closer to him and snuggled them under the blanket, carding long fingers through Jim's sandy hair. Under the gentle ministrations, Jim could feel his bones and muscles melt, the tension he'd been carrying since Bones had left the ship finally leaving him. He yawned hugely.

"Bones," Jim murmured sleepily, basking in deep contentment, warm under the blanket and in Bones' arms.

"What?" Bones sleepy rumble vibrated under Jim's ear.

"Do you think it's always going to always be like this between us?” Jim whispered, as he pressed gentle kisses to Bones’ naked chest.

“Like what?” Bones asked, meeting Jim's soft blue eyes. Jim reached out with gentle fingers to touch his face, stroking the damp tanned skin and slight stubble.

“Like this, where we need each other so much,” Jim cleared his throat, voice suddenly husky as he was overcome by a surge of deep emotion. "It's always so intense, so passionate between us, Bonsey...always."

Bones raised himself on one elbow and peered down at Jim. "Who are you and what have you done with my Jim?" He frowned at him. "It's not like you to be so sappy."

Jim huffed a laugh. “It's because I missed you so damn much, you unromantic bastard!"

Bones eyed him and lifted an eyebrow. "Unromantic? Me? You think so? Well them, Captain, Sir, if you want romantic, I can do romantic," he scowled down at Jim, then cleared his throat. "Yes, it's always gonna' be like this. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. So when we got together, I made a vow to myself that I was gonna' do everything in my power to make you the happiest you could be, because if there's anyone who deserves to be happy, it's you, darlin'. That's the main reason why I went to Vivicca. So I could be everything you need me to be, the one person you can always depend on to watch your back and take care of you forever, 'til death do us part, Jimmy." He grinned at Jim's gaping mouth and wide eyes. "There, was that romantic enough for you?"

"Bones...," Jim breathed out his name like a prayer and lunged at him. "Hell yes! That's romantic enough for me! Bones, Bones," Jim murmured, holding him close. He cupped the side of his face, his thumb rasping across the slight stubble that Leonard hadn't quite managed to get rid of after their shower. "You're everything to me, I can't even imagine my life without you. Never gonna' let you go." Jim swallowed hard; a life without Bones was unthinkable. With him, Jim had finally found a refuge where his restless, love-starved, scarred heart could rest; a home where Jim's long denied happiness had finally become a reality.

Jim sighed blissfully. He didn't know what the future would bring, but right now, his life was absolutely perfect. He was safe and happy with Bones in his arms again. He tugged at Bones' pliant body, gathered him closer in his arms, and whispered, "sleep now, sweetheart."  Entwined together in each other's arms, they slept.

 

 

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